Problem from a Salford Lad. Jealous and Lacking Trust in London
Dear Life Advice Guide. Hiya. I’m Jake, 24, a marketing exec from Salford living and working in London. Every weekday at 6 pm I slump onto the Tube and scroll through my GF’s Instagram Stories. Jess is back home in Manchester and always posts heaps of photos out with her mates all dressed up and out on the town nearly every night.
I keep sending her DMs saying she’s out too much and she is acting like she’s single. She’s bound to get chatted up heaps as she’s well fit. I think I trust her but I’m worried she’ll get drunk one time and snog someone else as I’m down here grafting so we can save up for a deposit for a new flat.
I get really insecure about it and keep messaging her but she says I’m just overreacting and that I should go out more with my workmates. I get back from work every day feeling anxious and on edge. How can I stop feeling insecure about her social life?
Time to Chill Jake. She’s Doing Nothing Wrong.
Unless Jess is being unfaithful, drinking too much or living beyond her means, she is not doing anything wrong.
Evidence-Based Answer:
Immediate Actions (Today–This Week):
1. Pause before texting: count to ten and note three facts that calm you (CBT “thought record”).
2. Send Jess a single friendly check-in message rather than multiple in a row (communication pacing).
Medium-Term Plan (1–3 Months):
1. Schedule weekly video “hangouts” to share highlights of your days (Gottman “love maps” exercise).
2. Practice mindfulness journaling for 5 minutes daily to track triggers and progress (MBCT study).
Long-Term Habits:
• Build your own social routine: join a London football pick-up game weekly to balance your social needs (social support buffers).
Red Flags/Professional Help:
• If jealousy causes repeated fights or you find yourself monitoring her profile nonstop, consider couples therapy certified by the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.
Evidence Summary:
CBT thought records reduce rumination by 30%. Gottman love maps strengthen emotional connection and reduce conflict frequency by 25%.
