This Content Is Only For Subscribers
When a friend is upset, ask them one simple question before saying anything else: ‘Do you want to talk about it or do you want to be distracted from it?’ u/dykejoon
We are all pretty familiar with situations in life when we see a friend or receive a call from someone we care about who is going through a pretty rough time in life.
Most of us want to help friends, family and colleagues to feel better, especially if they seem visibly upset. However, it is normal to be concerned about making them feel even worse because when confronted with sadness; we really don’t want to make things any worse.
When people are upset, it is very difficult to guess what they are feeling, what is causing the sadness and what solutions could help the person.
Asking them the simple question of whether they would like to talk about it or if they’d prefer to be distracted is a great way to put the ball in their court whilst reducing the likelihood of you saying or doing something which might make them feel even worse.
Asking them what they need from you as a friend is much more likely to result in them feeling better and you being able to give them the actual type of help that is needed.
Sometimes sad, depressed or upset people just want to be distracted, be heard or simply be listened to.
I would add that giving them the extra option of just being there to listen is a good idea, and for many people, a problem shared is a problem halved.
People don’t always want a solution to the issue that upsets them. Instead, they may just want a sympathetic ear and to be around someone they know, trust and feel safe expressing their feelings to.
If they ask for help, it is very important that you do not bite off more than you can chew, as any bad advice could become your responsibility.
If they want to discuss possible solutions, don’t just tell them what to do; talk about as many options as possible and go through the pros and cons of each potential solution.
If the issue is very serious such as your friend feeling suicidal or having a nervous breakdown, then it is important to comfort them and seek help from a professional, usually starting with a helpline, a doctor or an experienced mental health worker. In such situations, the most important thing is to keep them safe.
In conclusion, it is good advice to always ask what the upset person needs from you and start from there. You may feel out of your depth, and if you do, seek more expert help.
What advice would you give to someone whose friend is very upset? Post your comment below if you have any ideas or tips to help other humans get through this common yet difficult scenario.
